As requested, here are our vows from the wedding ceremony.
Roslyn, I’ve thought of a lot of ways to try to express how I feel about you, but had a hard time putting it into words. The closest thing I can think of is when you buy a brand new video game and you can’t wait to bring it home and play it. Or when your Charmeleon is finally about to evolve into a Charizard. It’s like picking up the best game you’ve ever played but you never run out of new content. I never thought I would find someone that I could get along with so well. This must be how Mario felt when he finally found the castle where his princess was. I love you and I promise to always be your player two.
I’ve learned a lot about relationships from video games. If you invade enough castles, you’re sure to find the right princess. Sometimes you can read someone just by their face. And science and cake are the keys to happiness.
The couples from video games at each table tonight are my inspiration to be a good wife. I promise to be as loyal as Link, as supportive as Dixie, and as dedicated as Gordon Freeman. I promise to protect you during the zombie apocalypse, to share experience in good quests and bad, and to love you even if you’re a potato.
I love you and I know you will be a great husband because you never give up during trials and challenges, you never try to force me to evolve into something else, and you never make me face the final boss alone. Our marriage will be a greater achievement than beating Heroic Lich King. So would you kindly take me to be your wife?